HarlemLIVE

For many people depression is a reality. Astoundingly in the teen demographic, gay teens are reportdely the top recipents of this silent state of being. In a recent study conducted by the Department Of Health gay youth are six times more likely to commit suicide than their straight peers. A number that grows every day.

I went on a car drive with my sister, Carrie. Bored as heck. I wanted to outline some topics for my next article. When Carrie’s friend “Brad”, 19, asked me to call out some of the topics. The last I called was depression. That’s when he told me that he was once depressed. I asked if he was willing to let me interview him and have him share his story. He agreed to it. _

In what ways are you depressed?

I was lonely. Didn’t feel like I had someone who I could talk with in terms of my sexuality. I felt depressed not being able to come out to people and tell them “I am gay.”

Was it worth coming out?

Yeah, it was. I feel a little anxiety over coming out.
I’m not depressed anymore.

What are some things you’ve done to help yourself out when you were depressed?

I would listen to music. Chat online with people whom identify with me. I would exercise: jog, lift weights, push-ups.
Pills.
Oh, no. No pills. [laughs]

Most teens get suicidal thoughts when they’re depressed. Did you?

Definitely. Most definitely. I mean, I remember myself in the bathroom one day. Right after my brother had passed. I sat on the toilet with a bottle on my hand. I burst in tears. I was about to commit suicide. Everyone sees me as this happy-go-lucky-animated character. But, I wasn’t. I held on to a secret that could destroy everyone who I love and that loves me.

Did you take any of those pills?
I took three. Decided to stop.

Why did you stop?

[laughs] You still wanted me to keep on going! I stopped because I realized that all my problems can be fixed. I’m human. Humans have issues. And, although my problems are somewhat worse than possibly—lets say—my best friend, that doesn’t make me inhumane. _

Was that your only brush with death?

No. I remembered calling my friend, Fr----. I told her, “I love you, I want to die.” I didn’t know how I was going to die. But I wanted to kill myself. She tried to relieve me of all my stress. She was able to help me relax.

You never mentioned that you were stressed. How were you stressed?

Well, that’s like one of the symptoms of depression. Not only that, but I was poor. Being poor and having to wear hand-me-downs, while being this flamboyant stick figure...with a secret. It hurts. It added to my pain. I was stressed with school, family, gossip. Like
I said before I was lonely. No one or nowhere to turn to.

What advice do you have for the teens out there that have been through the things you went through?

Seek help. You are not alone. Whatever issues you may have you are not alone. It’s okay to tell someone.
Before you said you felt alone with no one to turn to.

Has that changed?

Well, earlier I said I did not feel like I had someone
I can talk to in terms of my identity. So, I did feel somewhat alone. But when I came out I soon found out that I wasn’t the only one who felt this way.
You want to hear the funny part about this whole thing? I was depressed for no reason, but with reasoning.

Can you elaborate?

When I told my friends they were all like, “we knew” or “do you want us to be surprised?” My family was not so keen with the fact, but they accepted it. They knew already in their minds. So, I was depressed and I didn’t need to be.

I didn’t ask you this earlier, but how do you feel anxiety?

I still feel a bit awkward having to tell people that
I’m gay. But it’s me. I try not to be ashamed. So, that’s my anxiety. Having to feel weird when I tell people that I’m gay.

I might sound ignorant, but have you self-mutilated?

Oh when I was depressed yeah. When I would get stressed. I would cut myself. But I’m not doing it anymore. I’m out and about!

If you look up the word depression, the definition would probably come out to being a mental state characterized by a pessimistic sense of inadequacy and a despondent lack of activity. For others depression is the blame for suicide. The numbers are staggering. Four percent of adolescents are depressed each year. In fact, researchers found depression strikes homosexual youth four to five times more severely than their non-gay peers.